empty nest

Today i am sad. I shouldn’t be. I don’t want to be. I am alone. It is usually a place i enjoy being but it is getting to be standard fare. My kids have all left the house and it is me and my husband. He isn’t home much at all. For all his complaining, which really isn’t that much, he just can’t say no to people (not to mention he is a talker) which keeps him busy everywhere but here. Consequently his absence. It is okay, I want him to be free to do whatever he wants whenever he wants. I just can’t remember being in a lonely place and i must say I don’t like it. Staying busy isn’t helping. I want to enjoy the beauty and the stillness around me but this dark cloud won’t go away. I realize some people suffer with depression often, and so I am grateful that is not me anymore. I am trying to just recognize it is a feeling and that it will pass. I want to look up at the sky and laugh. So, a lot of  written words, a lot of quiet, and no family. My nest is empty and that is how my heart feels today. It is a shadow, it will pass, it is not me. Where is my “middle sister” when I need her. When my daughter moved out with thing one and thing two the laughter went with her. I don’t really know how to laugh alone. My life is good, I don’t really mean to complain. I just needed to release and share. Thanks for listening, if anyone did. If not that is okay because writing is therapeutic for me. Namaste.

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