Wanted: hutzpah

We are all on different paths. In the next room there is some poor dead animal being ground up for jerky. I am not sure what kind of animal it is. I know it is is not the meat in our freezer. I won’t try the jerky. I am ashamed to say I do eat jerky and meat and I like it. I don’t like that I like it. I don’t want to eat it, but I do.  We buy our meat from a rancher that cares for his animals. My husband is a meat and potatoes man and so that is usually how we eat. I feel like this is a doable compromise because the fact is he isn’t giving up meat. I do have guilt that I buy chicken and fish from the store. I know that there is a lot of cruelty in the slaughter houses and that by buying said meat I am promoting it. These inbetween places are sticky places. I pass judgement on myself. What is the point of ideals if you don’t follow them. Living in the midwest surrounded by ranchers and my meat and potatoes guy makes it tough. I feel like if I were single in a more liberal state like Colorado or California it would be so much easier. The food that is sold there is so eco-friendly. Of course I love my husband and don’t plan on being single.  Perhaps it is just a bunch of excuses, in fact, I know it is. Like I said the inbetween spaces are tough. Poop or get off the pot, right? I continue to plod along in the muck until I am resolute enough to climb out. Whatever anyone else does is there business and their right. I am not judging anyone but myself. I need to do what is right in my own conscience and when I don’t I am not being true to myself. I am a toddler at times, not wanting to do the right thing, I just want what I want. I guess I know what I want I just don’t have the hutzpah to do it. Grow up Germaine.

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